Of idiots and their doings

The dumbest thing I have ever done.We're in Wayne, NJ. After finishing at the job site we had to find our hotels. Dan is staying at a different hotel from Phil & I, so Dan leaves. Phil and I then hop in Phil's truck, fire up the laptop and GPS, and start driving towards the hotel. I punch in 334 Route 46/Service Road. So we're almost there, but the roads are confusing! Do we take this service road? Or the one on the left? Hey, there's Dan's hotel. His hotel (Holiday Inn) looks like it's next to the spot where the Fairfield Inn should be.

We pull in, and look! there's Dan putting golf balls he took from the next-door driving range into his trunk. Dan, I call out, Did you see the Fairfield Inn anywhere? The answer is no...Drive around to the front desk and ask them where it is Dan says. But we have a computer, a GPS, instincts, and my keen sense of direction to guide us to the Fairfield Inn. So we get back on the highway and loop around. And loop around. And loop around. So where's the bloody hotel!? We head more to the west. We head back east. 45 minutes have passed. There's a Hooters says Phil, let's at least get a beer and ask directions. No, I'll go in and ask, you wait here, I dutifully replied. So I ask the first top-heavy waitress I encounter - where's the Fairfield Inn? She tells me it's up 46 west, stay in the middle lane. Well, we do it. And no Fairfield Inn. Man, where on earth is this place? We loop around the 46/23 junction a few more times, finally stopping at a Circuit City. I get out and ask a random passerby directions to the Fairfield. Go past the Prime Suites, and past the Meadowbrook mall. You'll pass Passaic Road, then it is on the left after Callandra's Bakery. Many many thanks to you stranger! We follow her directions - it is now going on an hour and 15 minutes of fruitless searching. We swing around the area near Passaic Road, but do not find the hotel. We head west once more. Did I punch in the wrong street address? My computer screen is now filled with our trails and backtrackings. I open the hotel's file again... Phil. What? Don't kill me. OK. No, really. Promise you won't kill me. I won't. Promise me you won't kill me when I tell you our hotel is the HOLIDAY INN. ....... I let loose with a string of profanities, each louder than the last. HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID!? What is wrong with me?! We arrive at the hotel, an hour and a half after we left the job site. I am feeling dumber than I have ever felt before. I mean, wow. There's nothing that can excuse this. If I had actually read the email carefully, I would have read The Holiday Inn of Wayne & Fairfield instead of The Fairfield Inn. The GPS was telling us we were at the right spot, but I didn't believe it. If we had done as Dan instructed, and asked at the front desk where 334 Route 46 Service Road was, they would have told us we were there. Oh man, how am I going to live this down? Too many people know about it for me to murder them all! Perhaps I will borrow Dan's katana and commit seppuku.

This article was updated on April 29, 2005