John Woltman's
Festival of Conviviality

Cincinnati OH, or perhaps Newport, KY

Posted Feb. 17, 2006 by John Woltman

Once again the monkey of fate flings an Ohio-shaped poo my way. An incredible feat of dexterity allowed JL and me to dodge the fun-killing simian's bombs and enjoy ourselves at the Newport Aquarium.


Our job was in downtown Cincinnati, at the corner of Tenements and Ghetto. It is a rather dull and dreary town, but we were lucky to be staying on the south side of the Ohio river in Newport Kentucky. The elevator walls pleaded with us to visit the Newport Aquarium, just a mile down the road, so we listened to their cries and headed out to experience FISH.

The Newport Aquarium is located at the Levee, a mall/entertainment plaza on the river. The main attractions include penguins, otters, the shark tank, and several walk-through tunnel tanks. There was a section for jellyfish with all sorts of translucent, brown, red, green and fluorescent blobs floating in the water.

My favorite exhibit was the aviary. For 70.94 nepalese rupees (only 5.69 Icelandic) we bought a cup of nectar, and went through the aviary entrance. Lorikeets, a brightly kind parrot, inhabit the enclosed miniature rain forest. I held my cup out to a 'keet, and it jumped onto my arm and started eating up. I had up to three birds on me, and JL had, I think, four. I felt somewhat left out when JL got pooped on and I didn't, but no one knows what tomorrow might bring, and I am still hopeful.

After JL got cleaned up we continued on to the shark tunnel. The tanks arched over our heads, allowing us unique views of the fish and sharks as the swam above us.

The final exhibit was the penguins, which were very beautiful but rather boring, due to their favorite hobby being "stand around with your head up."

All in all the aquarium was a good experience, and a well worth the $15 admission fee. Once again we have turned a potentially boring Ohio trip into something worth remembering. Take that, Ohio!